1337 Jedi SkillZ

Final Draught

2005-12-01T16:52:00.000-08:00

Emotion, Yet peace
Ignorance, yet knowledge
Passion, yet serenity
Chaos, yet harmony
Death, yet the Force

Now I'm off to the void of Lost Socks. and those are the directions I found in the packet provided as per Section 1.2.315 of the rules for the conduct of something or other. Apparently I'm not allowed to bring any equipment either. Like what? A butterfly net?

Anyway apparently another time portal hit me over the head. But I'm here. Sort of. As the case may be.

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Paperwork

2005-10-28T14:58:00.000-07:00

I found this strange "questionnaire" among the paperwork I was given. I'm not too good with this whole base 10 thing but most of the forms seem to be in other bases so I'm ok.

10 years ago I was:
passed on
no more
ceased to be
expired
gone to meet the Force

5 years ago I was:
a stiff
bereft of life
I rested in peace
pushing up the daisies
my metabolic processes were history

1 year ago I was:
off the twig
kicked the bucket
shuffled off my mortal coil
run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile
I was an ex-jedi

Yesterday I was:
Filling out forms
Developing carpal tunnel syndrome
filling the ice bucket
developing frostbite
filling the ice bucket with warm water

5 snacks I enjoy the most:
Mt. Dew
cold brussel sprouts
Mt. Dew
gummy bears
Mt. Dew
oreos
Mt. Dew
pop tarts
did I mention Mt. Dew?

5 songs I know all the words to:
Living Dead Girl
Pinball Wizard
Voodoo
I Will Survive
The Logical Song

5 ideal places to run away to:
Lordaeron
Veronaville
Reach
Arrakis
Kentarres IV

5 items you will never see me wear:
PVC (saw waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too much of that during my days as a groupie)
barbed wire (too scratchy)
restaurant placemats (last time I took a dare... in public)
jewelry (too likely to get caught on... stuff)
shorts

5 biggest joys in my life:
War Craft III
Halo
Sims 2
Warcraft IV
Command and Conquer
and Qui-Gon's on there somewhere

5 favorite toys:
PC
Playstation
X-Box
Gamecube
nintendo
(or does Qui-Gon belong on this list?)

Tagged(don't know anyone with a blog who hasn't been hit):
Clee
Anoon Bondara
Adi Gallia
Luminara Unduli
Ali Alann

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Portals and Hermit Crabs

2005-10-11T18:09:00.000-07:00

I went to visit the crabby Jedi. First he had me wait in this room with a group of Yoda-sized people and a kid. They were talking about some dude named Napoleon and hermit crabs. I waited for half an eternity before I finally got a receptionist.

Receptionist: Do you have an appointment?

Me: Since when do Jedi have receptionists?

Recptionist: Since they started paying more than minimum wage. Do you have an appointment?

Me: Maybe.

Recptionist: I can schedule one for yesterday.

Me: Can you schedule one for half an eternity ago?

Receptionist: Just a minute.

Then that classical music you hear when you're on hold started playing all around.

Receptionist: I can get you in at one am on Monday or 11 pm on Tuesday.

Me: Okay. What do I need to bring?

Receptionist: Five unmatched socks from beyond the void.

Me: Huh?

Recptionist: And a sack lunch.

Then she handed me this huge stack of papers.

Receptionist: And you need to fill these out.

Me: huh?

Receptionist: that doesn't make you sound any more intelligent.

Me: I can't hear you over the muzak.

I ended up leaving with the stack of papers and directions to the void of lost socks. Muzak and paperwork. It's as if the Sith have taken over my corner of the afterlife.

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Temporal Distortions

2005-09-29T11:50:00.000-07:00

I found a time portal in my closet. Ok so that isn't quite right. I got a time portal [i]dropped[/i] on me while I was in my closet playing Diablo II. More powerful than you can imagine indeed. Turns out one of those strict ancient Jedi ghost instructors didn't like all the time I was spending putting back together my collection of games and equipment. So poof. Here I am nearly two months later and a lot dustier.

I think I will now go seek out this master of portals and beat him u- er give him a piece of my mind or challenge him to a tetris contest.

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Maybe I Was Wrong...

2005-08-03T01:02:00.000-07:00

About that whole not needing sleep. I wake up and suddenly I've missed two updates. Wow! It's like hibernation with a caffeine headache.

Anyway my janitor closet is pretty much the way I left it though that space heater might have scorched the floor. Come to think of it why do I have that heater? And so much has happened out there. Can anyone tell me who this Barney Fife person is? I heard about him from a passing conversation between a couple Jedi.

I also found one of those cool history books with the pictures hidden in here. It's all about Nomi Sunrider and the Qel-Droma brothers and Exar Kun and well you get the picture. I would read it but it's a bit too informative for me. And why'd they include all those pictures anyway? Is it supposed to make learning fun or something? Weird.

And before I go; a useful gaming tip I found on the internet. Turn your monitor on. No, seriously it's don't hook up your entire mp3 library to GTA. I heard Pink Floyd and the Halo soundtrack just don't go well with whatever slang it is they speak. Before listening to Skywalker I had no idea anyone spoke that way in real life. I'm still not sure they do.

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2005-07-18T21:57:00.000-07:00

Messed up on the nose a bit

This is a picture of me before and after my death. Someday i may scrape together the money for PhotoShop but until that day comes... I think the PhotoStudio and Microsoft Office Picture Manager are strong with me. Or something like that.

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ABC

2005-07-16T15:11:00.000-07:00

I've come across an interesting quiz in several and have decided to share my answers.

A- Alien vaccinations: Five types of flu, Talasea skin rash, Garqi cough, and 14 types of fungus
B- Best game: toss up between Halo and Rogue.
C- Current living space: I found this neat janitor's closet and I've been stocking it MT Dew
D- Doorbell ringtone: Addams Family theme
E- Easiest class: CS 121 (Word for Dummies)
F- Favorite soda: Mounatain Dew
G- Games: Tetris
H- Hobby: Lurking
I- Invaluable advice: Mustard is not a substitute for mayonaise.
J- Just a little vinegar goes a very long way
L- Last watched movie: The Matrix
M- Most used piece of equipment: towel
O- Operating System: Windows XP
P- Perfect temperature: 50 degrees fahrenheit
Q- Quote: "All the world is a game and the men and women merely players." Sam Hughes
R- RTM: A last resort.
S- Song you sang last: "Bloody Well Right"
T- Time it takes to eat breakfast: none
U- Unknown fact about me: I played with Barbies as a child. Some say this is where my violent tenndencies began.
V- Victories: Fill-it, Halo, Javanoid, Cubis, Hearts, Spider Solitaire, Commander Keen
W- Where's the Food: Check behind the mops.
X- X: Marks the spot.
Y - Years since you've been breathing?: Something like 20. Not quite sure though.
Z- Zots: Disgusting.

I'm not sure I followed the rules. But it was fun.

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Boredom

2005-07-13T20:06:00.000-07:00

(Credit to Captain Typho for inadvertantly jumpstarting this idea so I'm posting five days early.)

I ran out of Mt. Dew days ago and I'm bored. I've tried to do all the things that used to keep me occupied but lightsabre sparring by yourself will only go so far and my games are gone. So I started doing odd things like streaking in the Temple. But after the novelty wears off it's no fun because there's no reaction. Then I tried visiting the Council chamber. They're the strongest in the Force surely they'll notice me, right? Wrong! I just stood around for a couple days listening to them deliberate if it can be called that. Is it really necessary to give three hours of thought on whether to order green jello or red jello for the younglings' snacktime? And how did a conversation about the Separatist movements on the Rim turn into Hello Kitty vs. Carebears? Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I mooned all of them. (Yes I did wear my blue glowy robes in there in case someone did see me.) I thought I might have finally gotten through to someone when Master Yoda said he felt a disturbance in the Force. My bubble was burst when Master Mundi passed gas.

So I left in anger and headed to the most soothing place on the planet, the Jedi Archives. At first I just puttered around. A couple games of solitaire, a few rounds of Rogue, read up on some forums, and then I got bored with that. I thought it would be funny to send prank messages to the Senate. And that's how several threatening messages ended up in various Senatorial inboxes. I didn't for the unscary ones either. Nothing like "we've been watching you," or "if you don't vote yes then you'll never see your spouse again." I went for the REALLY scary messages like "UR TOAST IZ BURNT AND NO AMOUNT OF SCRAPING WILL REMOV3 THE BLACK STUFF" and "UR BR4IN IS A MT OF H4TR3D." Then Anakin crashed the network with pr0n sites. Ugh! I was just about to move onto the Generals and their Chiefs of Staff too. But I guess that can wait until the server comes back online. I added extra hops so if anyone tracks it back it should take them a really long time. *giggles*

Beware of flaming jello shots from the younglings,

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Best Thing

2005-07-12T02:09:00.000-07:00

Want to know teh best thing about beings dead? No sleep. Well and that I can see again that's nice too. But to be able to go without sleep is such a better use of my time. Only now the irony is hitting me. Before I was blind I'd play video games until I was blind or passed out. There's only so much time you can stare at a screen before your eyes go. After I was blind I'd just play by feel until I passed out. Now that I'm dead I could in theory play on infinitely. But I have no games except Tetris.

As for being able to see... I was blind for three years before I died. Sight is a little overrated when you have the Force. After all those "don't trust your eyes, use your instincts" lessons it isn't all that hard to just pretend that you're always wearing a blindfold. In fact it's better because people stop commenting on the fact that you're wearing lime green boots with hot orange pants and an electric blue top. Why those don't "match" I still don't understand but my Padawan assured me they don't. She asked me if I was trying to make the rest of the Temple go blind too.

A third good thing about being dead: no clothes. I'm invisible I don't need them. Though it does cut down on the thrill of streaking through the Temple. Perhaps Master Windu should try it sometime. If he does others might stop complaining about him going commando. But hopefully if he does try it I'll be somewhere else that day. Like the Unkown Regions. Though I'm pretty sure the screams would be audible from there.

Until next time.... WHEEE!!eleveneleven

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First Post!!!!111

2005-07-05T01:36:00.000-07:00

W00t!! I'm in the ether. It took a long time but I got here. That last boss was a doozy. I'm Jedi Knight Tahl for those of you who couldn't guess by my name. My intern has told me to keep "the 1337 to a minimum." When I asked her why she gave some bogus answer about readers having no patience to deal with it. And she also wants my language to be kid friendly. I wanted to know what that meant so she said and I quote, "If you'd say it on XBL then don't say it here." Then she went off muttering something about script kiddies and wannabes. This site wouldn't even let me enter my name as T 4 1-1 1_. Well instead of ones I had pipes. What is up with that?

So I'm here and there's someone I'm going to track down. Qui-Gon Jinn had better have a good reason for standing me up. I tell him that I'm going to wait for him and what does he do?! He finds some way to hang around the living. I broke 42 Republic laws for him (you didn't think I got him and his apprentice all that info by googling it did you?) and he stands me up! He's been dead for over a decade already. I finally find a way back to my consciousness and I find that my Padawan has sold my Atari, my Xbox, my PS I and II, my Gamecube and my PC. Luckily she missed the Gameboy. She sold most of the Game boy cartridges though. All but one in fact. *starts humming Tetris theme*

Until next time,

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